Alternate Wrestling Universe
A Change of Heart
Melissa Smith, Fall 2014
Once a passionate and eloquent speaker on the evils of capitalism (or in his words, "the profit-obsessed monster that enslaves the underprivileged"), The Militant has become a handler for the superstar known as Starhawk. What could have caused such a drastic change in such a short period of time? Was the enslavement forced upon him, or was it revelation-induced choice? Read on to discover the true story behind The Militant's fall from outspoken activist to silent manslave.
"I can't believe he's let us down like this!," young self-proclaimed Bolshevik, Michael Richardson exclaimed last Monday night when The Militant emerged as a handler by the side of Starhawk. "She's a monster!"
Long-time supporters of The Militant dubbed themselves "Bolsheviks" early 2013, and thus called his domination over Reginald Roebuck at last year's
Winter Wrassle "The Bolshevik Revolution." In the months that followed the Revolution, The Militant lost the belt to female newcomer Starhawk, and has since taken a hiatus from active wrestling to serve as Starhawks handler, a move
that aggravated many and confused all. What happened?
"I simply molded his easily impressionable mind into a symbol that helps further my cause," says superstar Starhawk on the subject.
"Men can be objectified, too." Her words stuck a nerve with many feminists in the AWU community. After seeing women objectified on other wrestling networks, they appreciate the steps that Starhawk is taking to destroy the current system that promotes white male privilege. Her recent book, Men: Dealing with the Filth, reaches out to those women who need to break away from the patriarchy.
As for all those faithful Bolsheviks who remain in the AWU community, they steadfastly await the return of the great Socialist leader and speaker with whom they first fell in love. Will The Militant ever be the same? Will he ever choose to return to his old ways, or will he remain bound to Starhawk for all eternity? Only time will tell, but the Bolsheviks seem prepared to wait.